Saturday June 4th I had some Mako Shark at Sharom’s Fishery, and it was delicious but I was in some pain starting from what I thought was my kidney area. Sunday the 5th I did some yard work and saw a movie at Rave Theaters on Preston Highway. Monday the 6th I had a fever, and laid on the couch all day in and out of sleep, tried to eat some chicken nuggets to no avail. Tuesday I went to work and lasted all day, but in intense pain this time no fever though but noticed I hadn’t used the facilities in about 5 days.

Wednesday, June 8th 2011, I lasted at work long enough to accrue only a half occurrence because I’m dedicated to my job and don’t ever want to risk it. The pain in my kidneys had transferred to my groin and I was doubled over the entire time I spent at work, I said “See you gentlemen tomorrow, I’m going to the hospital to see about this pain and see I’d they can do something about these kidney stones I think I’m having.” Little did they know the next time they’d see me I had died.

Initially I went to the immediate care center in Dorsey Plaza on Shelbyville rd since it wasn’t far from work, the only test they could do was ask me how much pain I was in and where it was located, an hour wasted but I was setup with a referral to the ER at Norton Suburban Hospital. I took the drive there, damn no parking near the ER entrance, fuck. Parked way back near the delivery entrance and walked a mile to the ER, admitted immediately with no wait at 10 am, thank God, I don’t know if I can wait around in the ER all day, I have stuff that needs to be taken care of, after all, what’s a little kidney stone to pass?

You know what is horrible? That God awful radioactive drink they give you for a CT scan, I can barely keep it down.

Based on my description of how this pain originated from my mid right back area then progressed to my groin, the fever, some blood in my last couple stools and lack of bowel movements as late, a CT scan was ordered to see if I might have some blockage or further issues in my intestines. They also hooked me up to an IV drip and gave me my first ever real pain medication, dilauded.

Dilauded in case you want to know, is the strongest pain Med they will typically ever give you, it makes my shoulders start to seize up for a moment as it courses to my heart for distribution throughout my body, it must be delivered by injection to the IV line over about a minute to dilute its potency. Within 2 minutes you will not have a care in the world, and it actually gave me my first moment of being truly pain free in a a very long time.

The CT scan came back and with it the man who saved my life, Dr. Peter Conway. This older gentleman with a slight southern twang in a doctors robe came in and said he was glad to see me standing up and walking around because from what he saw I should’ve been on the bed in tears from the pain of Diverticulitis and having several torn polyps with the contents of my colon leaking into my abdominal cavity.

WHAT? What is Diverticulitis? Apparently its a colon disease appearing predominantly in men over 60. From eating various undigestable foods you start to get little impacted areas in your intestines especially the colon. these impacted areas grow in size, depth and deterioration over time, usually 40-50 years or so for most individuals. As the pressure builds on your colon from the impacted areas little polyps start to form, protruding from the exterior walls and get more impacted. This is generally called Diverticulosis, but when they burst you see, and you start going septic and your body begins to die, this is Diverticulitis. My friends, at age thirty and one and a half months I am being admitted to the hospital for the first time and for an extended stay.

Admitted… Day one in the hospital I am on the fourth floor in a room by myself, this room is rather large and I enjoy it, although the television selection is lacking I’m still managing to pass the time watching youtube videos on my phone and writing my story on Facebook as it unfolds. My white blood cell count from earlier in the day is over 30k and I am running a minor fever. With the Diverticulitis fever and WBC count Dr. Conway places me on a restrictive diet of no food, no drink and and nutrients by IV fluid only.

Soon there will be a release to the evergreens so loud and obscene the world will have to decree the likelyhood of the beast in thee to never be seen in the wondrous light of the magical spleen with the antagonists gleen and the heartbroken children of Antipolee.

I don’t like bonuses that are given in the form of a debit/check card, hard to get all the cash out of it and then there is a monthly maintenance fee if you don’t use it within 30 days making you lose your hard earned income. Just give me cash.

My revolver is too big for most local ranges.

Dear weather, give me some motherfucking snow you bitch!

Derp, I said fucking derp motherfucker, don’t you understand english? I said DERP!

Now if you fools will excuse me I have to do some quick laundry to smell so fresh and clean for the rich people today, maybe one will take me home and hire me as a personal kick assery dude?! YEAH!

Make SOPA & PIPA go down like the Titanic my bronies. Thank you Rainbow Dash.